Think Hard.

i keep thinking that i need to do this.
i look at the untouched metal and long for it's attention.
i miss the way it used to make me feel.
like i was whole.
i miss the way dragging the sharp edge across my skin felt.
i want to do it again and again.
until i can't do it anymore.
what do i do?
should i give in to these urges?
or let them pass?
i know that this urge will come back to haunt me.
it always does.
i miss the way my blood ran down my pale flesh.
would people find out?
if they did, would they be angry at me?
the depression is hitting me like a mac truck.
it's so hard to resit this.
i can't.
yet, i have to.
not for myself, but for others.
i want to feel it just once more.
the lovely feeling it gives.
like a drug.
i am addicted.
can i stop if i start again?
should i do it somewhere no one will see?
but where...
i wish i could talk to you and tell you what i am feeling.
i doubt it would do any good.
i am sure you have forgot all about me by now.
i have to do this.
for you.
i love you.
i wish i could give you everything i feel you have given me.
you may think it was nothing.
but it meant the world to me.