Completely Useless.

i have come to the conclusion that i am worthless in everyway.
nick is mad at me because his car wont be fixed until tuesday.
how is that my fault?
i tried to stop him from buying it.
he wouldn't listen to me and told me to shut up and not to worry about it.
he though he knew what he was doing.
obviously he didn't.
i bought him his anniversary present today.
and that isn't good enough for him.
he told me that he does everything for others and no one does anything for him.
): what am i doing wrong?
or should i even be thinking that i did something wrong?
is this all my fault?
i sure feel like it is.
i hate this.
i can't stand him when he is like this.
i hope that his aunt and unlce come home soon.
i need to get away from him.
i know i do.
but he makes me follow him everywhere.
even if it is only to the dinning room table.
if he is out there and i want to sit in the living room...i can't.
he wont let me.
this relationship isn't mine and nick's.
it's nick's.
i have no say what so ever.
): what am i suppose to do?
go to a womens shelter because he is emotionally and mentally abusing me?
i can't do that.
well, more like i don't want to.
sometimes i think i deserve all of this.
but i really don't see how i deserve to get treated like shit because his car isn't fixed.
ugh. this sucks.
i just admitted to lacey what nick has done to me.
like physically abused me just because he was mad.
she says i need to stand up to him.
it's not that easy.
i think i should write a book.
i would have plently of things to put in it, that's for sure.
i think i would call it "doormat".
because that is all i am to him...a doormat.
it's 6:10...employment plus closes at 6:30.
i hope he made it in time to get his check.
i will know if he went to work when cory gets back.
i really hope he did.
i think jeff and hope are home.
at least i really hope they are.
i am so scared of nick.
no one seems to understand that.
he makes me feel like i don't belong anywhere.
like i am an outcast.
does anyone really like me?..even as a friend?
i am basically spilling my guts to lacey.
i feels good.
she says that if she hears that he hurt me she will blast him in the face.
haha, i couldn't see her doing that.
but, who knows...she might.
it was nick's mistake not to take the ride from shannon to work.
it was frank's mistake to tell him his car would be done today if he didn't know what was all wrong with it.
and nick makes me feel like all this is my fault. ):
fuckkkk. i just want to die.
it might be easier that way.
i know nick has seen the cuts on my arm.
he just hasn't said anything about them.
i feel like i should just go get a razor and end it all now.
dying is the only way i will get away from him...at least that's what it feels like.
would everyone's life be better without me here?